Stream of Consciousness

Favorite's birthday celebration.

2009-01-10T15:17:00.000-05:00

2009-01-04T09:10:00.002-05:00

New Year's Resolution:
Be kinder.
Speak respectfully and thoughtfully, with no malice or ill intent.

2009-01-03T15:02:00.001-05:00

Sam's birthday party.

2009-01-02T14:46:00.002-05:00

New Year, New Purpose.

2009-01-01T09:59:00.004-05:00

{ Shayne Ward: Breathless }

For this blog, I mean, haha.

This is gonna be my photoblog starting from now on. I'm gonna try to post pictures every daaay! Hahah. :] Visual record of my life, you know.

I might just switch over to tumblr, though. Whoknows.

Today's picture coming later.

2008-12-14T21:13:00.001-05:00

{ I'm Yours - Jason Mraz }

Now that I've actually gotten started, the research paper is not so bad.

BEGAN: 7:47 PM. Kind of.

Let's seen when I'll finish it Haha. So far I have two paragraphs. Pathetic, I know. The internet decided to break on me for a while, and I've gone through at least three panic attacks (not really, but you know). Also, my whiny muses have been bugging me. So really, I'm working at a good pace, haha.

I should have at least five pages by midnight. If not, I'll just cry or something. Then keep typing.

Note to self: don't forget to study Psychology.

2008-11-30T23:01:00.001-05:00

The weekend was all sorts of amazing, but right now I feel like crap.

Unedited cuz I have no time.

2008-11-26T03:50:00.005-05:00

In random order.

♥

STILL I HAVE ROMANTIC IN MY HEART~~

2008-11-26T03:46:00.002-05:00

I REALIZED MY WAYS WILL NEVER CHANGE, SO INSTEAD I WILL ACCEPT IT!

I am on Blogger this morning because LiveJournal isn't working, haha.

Dad called me four times last night at around 9 PM. I didn't pick up because I was sleeping. On second thought, maybe I do need to keep trying to change my ways, augh.

Crispy Donut needs to be updated more. It's so neglected, that place. One piece of art every day, YA RIGHT LULZ. Augh, I should start leading by example.

Starting tomorrow.

Hahahahahahahaha.

In other news, I have German and Psychology quizzes today! Plus we're having a food party thing in AP Art, not to mention a bake sale, so I need to be there early!

I love my mom and I love my dad and I miss dad and I kind of miss talking to my brothers because all I do is sleep while they're awake and and and...........

I'm missing out on things.

Real quuuick.

2008-11-23T15:40:00.004-05:00

Random Thoughts

► Today, I got a lot of $1.99 tops from Mandee and we're setting up our Christmas tree.

► My mom was going to let me drive us to Best Buy awhile ago, but I only got to the end of the block before she freaked and told me to switch up so she could drive, haha. I was offended and relieved at the same time, because when she freaks out, she makes me freak out a little, too.

► I need to sign up for January Subject SATs. I also need to send in college applications already. Off the top of my head:
- FIT
- Fordham
- NYU
- U Penn
- Penn State
- Rutgers (which I don't really want to go to, but it seems to be everyone's safe/match school, so I might as well, right?)

Schools I really need to work on:
- Parson's
- SMFA (+ Tufts!)

► I need to study for Psychology (and do Barron's) and make some darn art. There's a concentration piece due on Wednesday, and my car (a breadth) is due tomorrow.

2008-11-10T06:30:00.000-05:00

The extent to which I am a slacker amazes even myself.

Holy crap, meng.

2008-10-28T04:12:00.003-04:00

P.S. - JOAN WRITE ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS PLEASE.
LIKE THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE.

NTS - things to write about before I forget about them forever:
- RO with Kelsey (still need to get started)
- Ryan on the football team (someone apparently fell on him during practice yesterday)
- AJ dancing like a fiend (that kid is too cute)
- All the times eating out with basically Alexa & Dani + Favorite & Thea sometimes haha. Birthdays ftw.

- I am doing badly in German 5.
- I still have no concentration that I truly want to do.
- I do not draw every day like I am supposed to, and I feel the biggest guilt over it.

2008-10-28T04:06:00.003-04:00

It is seriously like pulling teeth, trying to get started on homework. What is wrong with me? This is ridiculous and I am stopping it today. When I get home, I will change, eat, maybe rest a little, and then I will do homework. I will not wait to start at one in the morning and then realize I am too sleepy and so take a short nap and instead start at four.

Augh, Joan, why.

2008-10-20T04:16:00.000-04:00

{ A Song For You - FT Island }

German should not be my hardest subject right now, but it is. It is closely followed by Art, and the combination of the two, plus my pending Psychology test, makes me kind of want to bang my head on the table and cry.

I don't even have time to stress over college anymore, that's how hard this shit is.

On a brighter note, though, mom bought me a bunch of pretty tights yesterday. I've got no clue when or if I'm ever going to actually wear them, haha. But they're pretty. And I have them. Haengbokhamnida.

I don't want nobody, 'body~

2008-09-25T05:40:00.006-04:00

{ Last Gift - SHINee → Nobody - Wonder Girls }

Here I am again, typing away at a computer instead of doing work. Honestly, I'm just supposed to be studying for German and Psych. I'm doing alright in Psych; that class stimulates me well, and I enjoy studying it. German, on the other hand, is like pulling teeth these days. I can't believe the amount of vocabulary we've had to do recently. A quiz nearly every day on about fifteen words, and just.. honestly, my brain is not built that way. To memorize so quickly. I can understand; memorizing is a whole 'nother thing.

The weekend before was pretty good, though. The Italian Fest was wack as always, but, just the same, hanging out with people was fun. Then I went to see Wonder Girls (and Min, G-Soul, and J.Lim... but honestly I was there for WG, hahaha) with Alexa, Dani, and Thea.

It. Was. Awesome.

The conditions weren't perfect by any means, but damn, it was still awesome. I have no decent pictures of them because everything was taken from the damn screen. I was too far. It breaks my heart.

I won't stay hung up on that, though.

College is.. not making me feel very much right now. I no longer panic. Sometimes I feel apprehensive, sometimes I feel excited, but I am no longer scared. This is how I always am, haha. I panic in the beginning, but come crunch time, the fear dissipates.

Pictures. Because it's been a while.

(last picture taken by Alexa;
No, I don't know wtf I was doing. Haha.)

2008-09-02T21:24:00.000-04:00

Holy shoot, I wanna just knock out.

But I gotta get English & Art done.
So the plan issss... not to sleep until I've got all of English done, plus two art pieces. Haha.

Yeah, it's insane.

Sweet dreams are made of this.

2008-08-26T10:49:00.001-04:00

How do you interpret that?

Sometimes hearing a cliche from someone unexpected makes a big difference.

2008-08-11T22:49:00.002-04:00

{ Ma Girl - YoungBae }

My dad just told me I could be anything I want to be.
I believe him

It's a good feeling.

2008-08-11T11:55:00.005-04:00

{ Look Only At Me - YoungBae }

There are a few jobs that aren't 'typical' that I'm looking at.

- PR & Advertising for cosmetic/technological companies or the like

Stuff I want to get:
- Infallible lipgloss
- ORLY Bonder Base
- Vita Seche

Took it for granted, I went too far.

2008-08-04T16:40:00.000-04:00

{ Will Work For Love - Usher }

My time is not mine anymore, and everything I haven't done yet is coming up to bite me on the ass.

In other words, I am screwed.
Just a little.

However, I can't deny that I like spending time with my younger siblings, haha. ♥

This madness makes me wanna hide.

2008-07-27T13:45:00.005-04:00

{ The Life - Alicia Keys }

Alright, see, now I'm being stupid. For a long time, I ignored the whole process of researching about and preparing for college. Some time early on into the summer vacation, it hit me that I'd be fucked over if I didn't start thinking about everything right now, so I did. And since then all I've been looking at are art schools and schools that provide art education, as well as art schools that have partnerships with more academically focused schools. However, just a few moments ago, I was seriously looking into law. Law has always interested me, but I've only ever entertained it as a career choice either when a) I was mad young and gullible, or b) I was watching a bunch of Law & Order episodes back to back.

However, now that I'm seriously struggling with the prospect of not finding a decent job in the art industry (which is such a vague, broad place, really; art is everywhere, and I keep telling my parents that to try to get them to see my side, but honestly, I don't know anything for sure, either), I've been trying to think of what I can double major in. I've always known I was going to end up double-majoring (in an art field and something else), but now is the time for me to seriously figure out what I'm going to be studying.

I'm honestly not sure about law. That is going to be ridiculously hard to study, and it's an extremely competitive field. Most importantly, I'm not sure I'm interested in it enough to be fueled instead of discouraged by the pressure.

It's mildly upsetting that the art schools I want to go to only teach, well, art. Maybe I need to start looking more in the direction of schools that also offer more academic majors. Seton Hall really is a big option at this point.

So far, I am looking into:
- Psychology
- English
- Communications
- ~~Law~~

Also, for art, I won't just be doing illustration and fine arts. I will also definitely be going into digital work. Hopefully I can find something that will let me do both.

Yesterday I made the decision that I will most definitely go to Warped Tour next year. I will be 18 years old. I am more than capable of taking care of myself for a day alone (or with some friends, which would be preferable) now, and next year I'll be at an age that, at least legally, other people will think so, too. Also, I still want my ears pierced; conch, helix, and second lobe on each side, please. And maybe two conchs on my left ear, bahah.

Alrighty. I'm off to try and hopefully do productive things.

Whoah, whoah honey, this can't be.

2008-07-26T07:37:00.006-04:00

{ Ball and Chain - Janis Joplin }

Ronan, my Gateway laptop, broke yesterday. I have had to revert to using Bato, my old Thinkpad X22. It's a decent computer for its specifications, but it is definitely dated. Plus, its head is broken; I have to constantly prop it up against something. Still, I can't complain about Bato too much, since it never gave me any problems that weren't reasonable. Ronan, on the other hand, was pretty much a headache right from the beginning. I even had to send it in for a replacement after the first few days of having it.

Right now I'm using Hari. It's a Lenovo (really, though, it's an IBM; hopefully it lives up to what the brand used to be) T61. Dad let me borrow it last night; he said I could borrow it on weekends, but that he needs it during the week for work. I almost want to just say thank you, but nevermind, you keep it. However, it's so... awesome, hahah. I'm researching laptops right now (I've pretty much given up hope on Ronan, although there is still the slim chance that Roo's dad might be able to fix it) and have been since yesterday. I'm going to keep it safe and just stick to IBM (er, Lenovo) ThinkPads from now on. I was looking into IdeaPads, too, actually, but- nevermind; they're pretty, but according to reviews and specs, they are less dependable.

Here's a list of machines I'm looking out for for future reference; all are ThinkPads:

T61
SL400/SL300/SL500
...I dunno yet.

I'm going to not do too much research, since with the situation we're in right now, it's not like I'm actually going to get a new laptop for myself at the moment. I'll just continue all this research later on, when I've got at least a vague idea of when I'm going to be getting it.

In other news, I .. haven't updated here in a while, haha. I have since taken (and received the scores for; they are horrendous) my AP exams. I haven't been working out like I wanted to; I'm still fat (and getting fatter, woo~). I'm well into summer vacation, which is fantastic except for the fact that I've been very unproductive. It looked like I was seriously going to get a job there for a moment (...twice, actually), but.. nah, didn't happen. It's fine, even though I do need the money. We all do, damn. Once I start getting paper, the two things I'll be aiming towards purchasing for myself are a DSLR (effin finally, haha) and that new laptop.

This junk needs a new layout. Perhaps I'll get a new one up once Photoshop gets installed into Bato.

Haha, damn. It's gonna suck going back to Bato after using Hari, but whatever.

Naega baram pyeodo neoneun jeoldae pijima (baby).

2008-05-25T12:28:00.003-04:00

{ Look Only At Me - Tae Yang }

My family frustrates me a lot.

I don't know what I want out of life. I just don't want to be miserable.

Also, this song is pretty much amazing.

How wonderful life is, now you're in the world.

2008-05-15T01:18:00.004-04:00

{ Your Song - Ewan McGregor & Alessandro Safina }

I think I'm kind of screwing myself over, but I really can't muster up enough energy to care. I've spent the last few hours listening to music. I love it so much. Music is so good. This song is so good. It's on repeat right now.

Charice Pempengco's voice makes me cry. It's beautiful and powerful and she sings with so much emotion that it makes me thank God that she has the guts needed to fully expand her gift. I also found Declan Galbraith on YouTube. His voice sounded like a lovely little girl in the first video I saw of his, but that, I soon learned, was because he was around twelve when it was recorded. His voice has since become deeper. Not really by all that much, just enough that it's now recognizable as male, haha.

I found out that "When You Say Nothing At All" is actually by Keith Whitley. I love Ronan Keating, but the original is remarkably more sincere. Also, I realized that I kind of really love Elton John's songs. He is extremely talented. "Your Song", like I've already mentioned, is on repeat at the moment.

We got a new video camera yesterday. It's lovely. Hopefully I'll soon learn how to upload videos onto the computer so I can use it properly, bahaha. I'm looking forward to it.

I miss taking pictures. The next camera I get will either be a DSLR or a digital that gives you full manual control. I am over point-and-shoot digital cameras, although of course my Canon is still very much appreciated (especially since it's my only camera at the moment, excluding my camera phone), and my old Sony will forever remain in my heart. That was a really good camera. Canon is wonderful and everything, but I honestly prefer Sony.

I want the Sony DSLR-A100. I've wanted it for about two, three years now, since about 2006. Sure, my mind has strayed towards the Nikon D40 (and dreamed about the D80!), and of course the Canon Digital Rebel X/XTi, because everyone was talking about it. But after doing plenty of research, I think the Sony is really the one I'm looking for.

I've got a Math quiz tomorrow, as well as a Biology test. I'm probably going to do badly on the first one and utterly fail on the latter, but oddly enough, I don't care. Math and the sciences fascinate me, but they are not where my passion lies. I am learning to accept that that is okay.

Ako ay magiging ninang in Carmina. Napaka saya ko nung sinabi sa akin ni Mommy kanina na tinawagan siya ni Ate Yeye para sabihin yung balita. Medyong inexpect ko naman na yun, kasi minention na nila sa akin in passing yung idea. Pero it's nice to know na solid fact na ngayon, haha. Aalagan ko'ng mabuti siya~

...Alright, so between this and the last paragraph, I got sidetracked for about twenty minutes. I was looking at old pictures again, then realized I should go wash my face, so I did that. It is 1:44 AM now. Gah. In any case, looking at the old pictures, I once again saw how much my skin got messed up throughout this whole year. Guh. I want my old skin back. I wasn't immune to getting pimples, but they were occasional and would be gone within a few days, and they never, ever left scars. Now my whole face is scarred. It's kind of sad. And I never photoshop my blemishes off, because I like remembering how I look accurately, so in the last few months I haven't been taking that many pictures of myself, haha. One way to defeat being a camerawhore, I suppose.

Alright, I'm going to go back to sleep soon. Before that, I will do Chem, some Math problems, and read over a few things for Bio.

No stress.

Ewan McGregor is possibly my favorite actor. And now that I've realized he really could sing, his voice has become one of my favorites as well.

Speaking of favorite voices, Alejandro Sanz has become a permanent fixture in my playlist. He's like Westlife and Linkin Park and DBSK and Super Junior now - I will always come back to his music, haha. One day I need to make a full, comprehensive list of all the artists I am fond of, just so I can experience any part of my life through the music I associate them with again.

La la la. No more blabbing.

Here is Hans and I from (I think) last week, or perhaps the week before. Taken with my cameraphone, which is pretty decent in good lighting. In the dark, though, it's pretty much useless. The phone itself, however, is amazing. I love it. ♥

2008-05-08T20:48:00.001-04:00

Can I just say.
Because I can't really express this anywhere else.
That...

OMG SIAOFHSNAUIFKJHSNAFSULH AAHHHHS IOAJFSIOAFS

History AP Exam tomorrow.
I.
Am.
Not.
Ready.
GAAAAAAAAAAH.

T_______T

DID NOT PREPARE AT ALL.
I was doing too much relaxing!
And not enough studying!
And.. gah.
This is not like the SATs. I really could bomb this.

UGH.
And then Bio.. omg. Bio on Monday. OMG. OMGOMGOMG0POJSIGOSDJG WHY AM I TAKING THESE THINGS WHY? WHYWHYWHYWHYYYYY.

....>____>
IA ofkjdmsiofljsamiolfjsamfijznm

This time it's for real. Hopefully. Haha.

2008-04-30T01:40:00.003-04:00

{ Dear Me - Epik High ft. Leeds }

Yo. I wanna take care of myself.

I want to stop wasting time if I'm not gonna enjoy it. The sitting around and agonizing about not being able to start? It's gotta stop. And it will. If I'm gonna waste time, I'm going to like it. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm not going to truly be wasting it.

Life, man. Life is too short.

I want to seriously do something about my weight and body. Because I'm getting too fat. It's getting uncomfortable. I am longer comfortable. I love myself, I've got self-respect; this is part of that. Always striving to improve, ne?

I bombed the History AP Practice exam today. It counts as the real exam for the class. Do I care? Yes. Do I care as much as I did awhile ago? No. 'Cause my perspective is slowly shifting towards where it should be.

I want to do art. I want to draw, I want to paint, I want to write. I want to enjoy my life. I don't wanna get stuck doing junk I hate for hours just to get paper. Money is nice, it gets me what I want - I can't indulge in my hobbies and passions without it. But I seriously need to just find a career or job that'll let me do what I want while keeping myself afloat.

No more of this unsure junk.
I mean, yeah, I still don't know. But I'm going to feverishly search out for my future starting... right after I do my homework and go to sleep.

Haha.

Yeah, I'm an idiot.
I'm working on it.

Epik High is amazing.

Mr. George Washington, where my money at?

2008-04-20T13:26:00.007-04:00

I kinda miss writing here.

Mostly I've been using LiveJournal. But I suppose I should get back to this, too. This could be my public blog, haha. I mean, it basically already is my public blog because... it's public. It's just no one knows about it.

Got a haircut yesterday. Pictures to at the bottom. My bangs kind of freaked me out (they don't really look like how I wanted them to, and the lady cut them so they were the same shape as my eyebrows, hahaha). It's alright, though; I'll get used to it. I always do anyway. Heck, I'm already used to it. Except for how straight and nice it is right now. They are mad talented with a flat iron, let me tell you. Only problem is now my hair is totally flat. No volume. This is not good.

In other news, it's Spring Break. Last day of school was Friday. It's been glorious so far. I love it. And the weather's been really nice. It drizzled a little today, but other than that it's been nice and sunny with lovely little breezes and it hasn't been humid at all.

Life's kind of perfect right now.

Except for, y'know... all the AP exams coming up and whatnot.
But I'll worry about them another time.

Urgh.

2008-01-04T00:59:00.000-05:00

What the heeecck, man.
Why is the photo uploader being a piece of crud?
It won't upload past around 14-15 photos at a time. :| The whole beauty of the java uploader was the mass uploading.

2008-01-01T18:42:00.001-05:00

HAAAAAPPY NEW YEAR! 8D

2007-12-17T04:49:00.000-05:00

All that crap I listed in the blog from nearly 24 hours ago?

I didn't finish until right now.

Crap, man. I want sleep. But now I'm kind of wide awake.

And I didn't actually finish my painting. Ugh.

I don't know what to do.

2007-12-16T01:45:00.000-05:00

{ エトセトラ - ONE OK ROCK }

Shooot.

This isn't cool.
This slacking isn't cool.

Today, after I wake up, I will:
~ Go to church.
~ Do the Biology.
~ Do the Math.
~ Read for History.
~ Start my paper.
~ Finish laundry
~ Finish painting

I will NOT:
~ Read fanfics
~ Role-play
~ Otherwise waste time

UNLESS I already did at least half of the first list.

RANDOM:

Mushroom (mugwort?) hair from September 27. Haha.

Oh wow, it's been a while.

2007-11-13T04:46:00.000-05:00

Yo what? Two of my friends have gotten blogspot recently, hahaa. I don't know yet if I'ma comment 'cause... I write a lot of junk here, hahaha. Um.
Yeah.

Super Junior, DBSK, F.T. Island, and BIG BANG (haha, can you tell that's the big one right now?) still own me. Mhm.

Haha. I should post most here. But LJ is grrreeaat.

I think Ronan's lost or something. Dad said he just dropped it into a big box and I have no idea what its tracking number is and... urgh. No offence, Atticus, but I need Ronan back. There was a reason I got a new laptop when I did.

Just.. note to self: not a Gateway. Never, ever again.

Guh.

Turn my mic up louder, I got to say something.

2007-06-23T05:45:00.001-04:00

I think I'm slowly getting over my disappointment in Linkin Park's Minutes to Midnight. I actually like some of the songs on the album now, which is great. There's a lot less "I'm mad at you" and a lot more "I'm sorry" songs, but.. I guess that's alright. I still have the last two albums to listen to whenever I feel like it, anyways. They'll always be there. But I absolutely, completely, and thoroughly hate "Valentine's Day". I mean, what the duck? How could they go from "CRRRRAAAWLING IIIIN MY SKIIIN, THEEEESE WOUUUNDS, THEY WIIIIILLL NOT HEEEEAL!" to "TO BE ALONE ON A VALENTINE'S DAAA-AAYY, ON A VALENTINE'S DAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAY!" What kills me the most is that the music of that song is actually good, as is some of the lyrics of that particular song. But seriously. That chorus? No. Just. No.

I'm writing again. This morning I woke up at 2:30. My dad was watching TV. I got a drink of water and sat down with him for a few minutes, then he turned off the TV and told me to go back to sleep because he was going to sleep. Hahah. I was like, alright Dad, good night. Then I went back in my room, laid down, and couldn't get back to sleep. So I got up and wrote some snippets of two SYTYCD fanfics that have been floating around in my head. My writing site's up now, by the way. It's at http://veritas.1111mb.com/writing. Yep. I need to get a layout up there and stuff, gah. Anyways.

I just looked up "layed" (not a word) and "lied" and "lay" because I wanted to use "laid down" in that last paragraph but wasn't sure what it's real past tense form was (or.. present perfect, whatever, I still don't know the difference, haha, and English is my best subject). So I looked them up and have now found out that the reason that word is confusing is because it's nonstandard. Ooh. I've learned something new and useful.

I need to draw some more! If I ever really want to dabble in tattooing, I need to become way better than I am now. I wouldn't even dream of going near anyone with a needle at my skill level. I suck. Hahah. And that's not putting myself down, that's the truth.

Anyways, my brain has suddenly shifted to thinking about Junior year. I have a crackload of summer homework (note to self: type with all the right fingers. It actually really is less stressful on the fingers, just takes some mind power to remember to do it.. and which finger do you use for the b? Hmm.). Biology, English (which I still need to get the books for), History, and German. Gah. I'm almost glad I got blocked out of AP Psychology. And I just learned right now that it's less stressful to my fingers to type the y with my left pointer. The b's probably better off with my right hand as well. Interesting.

Yesterday I was worrying about which journal to use for what again. I just figured I'll post whatever the duck I want here, especially when I'm feeling particularly apt to rambling. (Note to self: was about to use non-word rambly; don't use words that don't exist!) And then my LiveJournal could be for private junk or something. Community stuff. I just like having a non-community-oriented blog, for some reason. But I like LJ because of all the communities, especially So Close To The Sun (A Jay Guthrie/Icarus fan-comm) and the SYTYCD comm. That reminds me, I really should finish writing that Icarus/Hellion fic I started. Hee. <3

My brother and I had a little talk yesterday about his love life. We were taking a rest from alternating between jump roping and dribbling (not really shooting, some silver car was in the drive way) because we...wanted to. He had also told me that my gut was jiggling and that it was prominent whenever I hopped, which is necessary for jump roping. I flipped him off in him in my head, smiled, and just kept going. But, oh right, we were talking -- and I asked him why he "rejected" this girl who he'd been talking to for a while when she asked him to have lunch with her and her parents. Turns out he doesn't like her anymore, and since she'd asked on their 8th grade graduation day, he'd felt more like hanging out with friends than going with her. So he didn't go. I feel bad for the girl, she's probably feeling confused and betrayed. She's moving away, though, so maybe it's better for both of them this way.

My baby brother's snoring on my bed. I found him awake at like 3 o'clock this morning, and I asked him what in the hell he was doing up so early (not in those words), and he said he kept waiting up expecting it to be morning and he was getting really frustrated at repeatedly finding that it is, actually, not yet time for sunlight. A few minutes before he conked out in my room, I had called him "a baby" (note, a baby, not just baby) and he'd proceeded to defiantly proclaim that he was no longer a baby. I think that broke my heart a little. And dammit, my train of thought isn't being typed as quickly and efficiently as I want to because I'm concentrating on using the right fingers. But anyways, yeah.

Minutes to Midnight just ended and now Hybrid Theory is starting. Ah, "Papercut". This is the Linkin Park I know and love.

Today's the third day of summer vacation and I am so looking forward to it. I love every day these days. Heeh.

Note to self: post pictures from Sam's farm (Wednesday?)

Testing? Please work.

2007-06-22T14:22:00.000-04:00

Will it cross-post at Blogger now? :O

MOVIES

2007-06-08T23:23:00.002-04:00

-- A Life Less Ordinary
-- Crash
-- Finding Nemo
-- Happy Feet
-- Shrek (1, 2, 3)
-- For Keeps
-- Detroit Rock City
-- With Honors
-- The Fisher King (?)
-- The Godfather

2007-05-29T19:34:00.000-04:00

Brian tried another route. "What'd you say?"

"That you needed to see him and the other guys more," Justin replied honestly.

"They can't up and rearrange their lives around me anymore. That's part of what not being a band means." Brian told Justin this like it was something he had recently worked out and thought that other people -- people like Justin, who didn't need to know -- were probably still in the dark about.

"It's not that simple. I know it probably seems like, because they haven't been around, and I'd need to reason my way out of that if it were me too, but their still your best friends, there shouldn't have to be some sort of title binding you all for that to be the truth. So, yeah, they kinda do have to up and rearrange their lives if you need it. Because you would for them, and best friendship is a two way street."

-- Ex Post-Facto

I've got to find me some of these kinda friendships.

I keep the ends out for the tie that binds.

2007-05-13T19:44:00.000-04:00

Watched a bunch of new movies recently. There was Spider-Man 3 last week. Today I saw Sharkboy and Lavagirl, p.s., and the end of The Favor. Note to self: re-watch the whole of that last one. Brad Pitt was gorgeous in '94. (Still is now, really, but in a much older kinda way.)

I need to write more. Seriously. Write, draw, play guitar. My artistic threesome, and I don't pay them nearly as much attention as I should. I've a Math test on Tuesday. That's going to be a killer. Plus I've got a Bio test tomorrow, plus a History outline I need to do.. blah blah blah.

Today's Mother's Day. We didn't really do much, just watched movies On Demand all day.

I'm hitting 140 lbs., I think. Disgusting, but what the hell. I'll start running soon. I don't want to be fat. I just read Life On The Fat Line, and really, no thankyou.

My new camera is lovely. I've warmed up to it quite nicely. I got it on the 29th of April.

Topher Grace is luscious.

Gah, this really is a stream of consciousness.

Alright, off to do more studying.

Wiiiiider and wiiiiderrr...

2007-03-25T19:16:00.000-04:00

Oh man. Yes I am. Getting, I mean. Wider and wider.

It's kind of sad because I can actually tell. :( There is fat where there has been none before! Now, I've always been meaty ever since coming to America, but come on. This is ridiculous. I have BACK FAT now. I never did before! I'm going to cry.

Really.

After I do my homework.

I'm thinking of writing out a work-out schedule, but that seems like it might take some extra effort that I am not willing to expel.

Maybe that's my problem. I am forever lazy. Which is horrible.

Mhm.

Stream of consciousness indeed.

I'm tired.

And.. ew. Belly fat. I can FEEL it.

Right, exercise and smart eating it is, then.

Decisions

2007-01-22T19:41:00.001-05:00

Alright, so I decided what I'm going to do. My LiveJournal is going to be my blog, and StroCon is going to be my art/writing journal. I like the idea. I think I'll keep it.

Every little dream comes true with every little thing you do.

2007-01-17T22:22:00.000-05:00

AHHHHHH. Okay, first off, the song I'm listening to ("Every Little Thing You Do" by Westlife) totally does not define my emotions right now. I am a little freaked out on the inside but at the same time completely calm on the outside. My History Chapter 11 outline is due tomorrow and I have NOTHING done, and, what's the most infuriating is, I'm still procrastinating. Who the feck procrastinates at this time of night!? I need my sleep! This is unhealthy! And yet, I keep doing it! What is the matter with me?! Am I some weird kind of masochist? Because this is totally not cool anymore. Procrastination sucks.

And I am going to stop right now!

Also, I promised myself I'd type down the events of the last couple of days, but oops, no, I didn't do that either. I swear, if it weren't for all the pictures I take, I'd have no idea when certain important events happened. That's why I love my camera. It's like a photojournal. But really, I need to start writing everything down, because I've got this thing for memories and relieving them in the far future and whatnot.

Bloody hell I'm tired.

Whoah!

2006-12-31T18:19:00.002-05:00

The new version of blogger? Totally fantastic. I'm coming back. (: Only question is whether or not I stay with FCB. I think I will, if only because all the pictures from my old posts are held in there. Heheh.

EDIT: Right, so, I decided to NOT stay with FCB, if only because I constantly have downtime there. This blog is no longer called "Going Down Swinging"; it is now "Stream of Consciousness" aka http://strocon.blogspot.com ... and it's crossposted completely with my Multiply.

Say when I need you, you will always be there.

2006-09-04T13:57:00.000-04:00

So school starts in three days. I was panicking before, but now I'm past that. Now I've got a plan. Today, I finish reading Ethan Frome and do the work for that. Tomorrow I work on my History Ch. 1 stuff, and on wednesday I do my History Ch. 2 stuff. It's perfect. Hahah, see, no need for panic!

Today my homegirl Xell is gonna come over and help me out. She said she was dead bored, so whatever, come over and help me out with my homework, hahah. Oh man. I kinda miss blogging. But I don't wanna use blogger anymore. I'm trying to learn PHP and MySQL so I can install wordpress. I also want to get another domain. fallcrashburn.net is really.. violent. It's got its poetic tone and everything, but I don't really want that anymore. I want harana.net. I pray to the Lord that no one will take in the mean time. I'm not buying the name until after I've learned how to use the right programs; I don't want it to just sit and collect dust, hahah. Waste of money, and I ain't doing that. ;] So yeah.

SYTYCD... I still love it. It's been a few weeks now since Benji won the whole thing. Travis is still my favorite, but Benji deserved it. I always thought that if it wasn't Travis, it'd be Benji. And they WERE the top 2, so it's all good. I'm still in the process of writing my Ch. 3 of "If I'm Not The One" (for a fanfic competition over at SYTYCD Fanfics). I feel really bad because it IS due tomorrow, so I'm not giving a whole lot of time for my partner Kat (diggory34) to work on it. Still though, she can whip out a chapter in like a couple of hours, so it's all good. I hope.

I'm gonna go back to work now! Check out the layout over at FCB in the mean time, though. It's new as of a few days ago. Ft. my dad, who's in the PI at the moment. <3>

So You Think You Can Dance

2006-07-27T21:59:00.000-04:00

My heart leapt a couple of times watching Allison's final solo. The way she interacted with Travis.. beautiful. Are they in love or something? I thought he was gay. Whatever the case is, I just wanted to cry. Natalie's wonderful and everything, but I seriously wanted Allison to stay over her.

Ugh.

Travis cannot be leaving as well. I'm going to die if that happens.

Remember what truly matters.

2006-07-24T23:03:00.001-04:00

People are often unreasonable, illogical,
and self-centered;
forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, People may accuse
you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
there may be jealousy;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

-- Mother Theresa

Love Quotes

2006-07-18T07:35:00.002-04:00

When you said forever, you meant a few months. When I said forever, I meant every day until I died. When you said always, you meant until you couldn't handle it anymore. When I said always, I meant until time ended. When you said you loved me, you meant I was no different from any other girl. When I said I loved you, I meant I had never felt what I felt for you.

~

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught withthin your chest? It isnt love, its like you can't keep your eyes or hands off of them. It isn't love, it's lust. Are you proud, and eager to show them off? It isn't love, it's luck. Do you want them because you know they're there? It isn't love, it's loneliness. Are you there because it's what everyone wants? It isn't love, it's loyalty. Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt them? It isn't love, it's pity. Do you belong to them because their sight makes you heart skip a beat? It isn't love, it's infatuation. Do you pardon their faults becuase you care about them? It isn't love, it's friendship. Do you tell them everyday that they are the only one you think of? It isn't love, it's a lie.
If that's artificial love, then what is true love? Take a look at this list now, and realize the difference between the two. Does your heart ache and break when they're sad? Then it's love. Do their eyes see your true heart and touch your soul so deeply it hurts? Then it's love. Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are? Then it's love. would you give them your heart and your life? Then it's love.
Still think you love someone?

~

Faith makes all things possible. Love makes them easy.

~

It's not that I can't live without you; it's that I don't even want to try.

~

There are mysteries about our love. Things that neither one of us may ever understand, because love is an emotion without limit and understanding. We know we love each other but we could never explain completely as why we love each other. Love is not a clock. You simply cannot take it apart just to see what makes it tick, and even if you could, you probably could never get it back together again.

~

In love, never put yourself in a situation where you're not sure of where you stand in a person's life. Never assume, never expect, so that if they drop you, you have enough strength to move on.

~

Sometimes we let affection
go unspoken,
Sometimes we let our love
go unexpressed,
Sometimes we can't find words to tell
our feelings,
Especially towards those
we love the best.

~

All love that has not friendship for its base,
is like a mansion built upon the sand.

~

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply gives you courage.

~

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone,
an hour to like someone,
and a day to love someone.
But it takes a lifetime to forget them.

~

If love is the answer,
could you please repeat the question?

~

I believe that to truly Love is the ultimate expression of the will to live.
A heart that truly loves is forever young.

~

No one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Of course, perfect in that sense just means you love them despite their faults.

~

Love, true love, is that which can give the most
without asking or demanding anything in return.

~

Just because you know someone doesn't mean you love them,
and just because you don't know people doesn't mean you can't
love them. You can fall in love with a complete stranger in a
heartbeat, if God planned that route for you. So open your heart
to strangers more often. You never know when God will throw
that pass at you.

~

Love... What is love? Love is to love someone
for who they are, who they were, and who they will be.

~

People need love even when they don't deserve it.

~

Maybe God put a few bad people in your life,
so when the right one came along you'd be thankful.

~

Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some time, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.

-- "Runaway Bride"

~

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

-- "Ten Things I Hate About You"

So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.

-- "The Notebook"

~

Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

~

I don't make you feel special, I just remind you that you're special.

~
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

- Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Seems like we're making up more than we're making love.

2006-07-17T08:54:00.001-04:00

The beach yesterday was amazing. I just love spending time with my family. When we got to the place, we found out the beach we went in to last time was closed. Too many people, man! It was practically empty last time, so we thought that was a little weird. But eh, whatever. So we couldn't go to the same beach as last time, but the town was a beach town, so they had more than few beaches sprawled on all corners. We went to the one that you had to pay $8 per person for. None of us really had money so we were kind of bummed out, but my mom and I managed to scrounge up the $32 we needed for everyone above 12 yrs. old. Hahah. Kids under 12 were free, so yeah.

I've got a lot of work to do today. Gotta clean up my room, maybe fold and iron a little, then there's the summer homework. There is a lot. It's foolish to wait any longer before starting on it. Man, summer always seems to go by so quickly in America. I remember in the Philippines it always seemed to last forever, and so we didn't feel "cheated" from our fun and whatnot. Then again, we didn't have summer homework there, so that might be part of it. I swear, summer homework is the crappiest idea ever.

A long, long time ago, I can still remember...

2006-07-15T21:36:00.002-04:00

Last week, Dani and Yssa came over three times. It was fun and cool to be hanging out with them, and we did get lots of stuff done. Well, actually, they got most of the stuff done. I just mostly bummed around and squeed at their artwork. Especially Dani's. She's seriously getting awesomely good. Geez. I feel so left behind, hahah. But that's my fault though, so it's okay. Anyways, so five days ago (Jul 10) was the first day they came over. Robert, Kelsey, and Karena also arrived later on that day. It was very.. interesting. And crowded, since I stuck them all into my room instead of downstairs, in "my livingroom", which I'd usually do.

Dani & Yssa in the kitchen.

It looks like she posed for this, but really I just caught her in the moment. She hates taking pictures, but this one looks really awesome and needs to be kept safe for posterity!

In my room. Dani's on the laptop (playing RO!) and Yssa was saying something that I'm sure must have been very profound.

Robert loves my classical, and Kelsey.. loves her laptop too. Hahah.

Yssa and Dani came over on the 11th again. That time they had walked all the way from their house to mine, which took around 30 minutes. Bless them; I wouldn't have bothered, but they are good, hardworking people and deserve some sort of award (a cookie, maybe) for their efforts. That must have been the most "peaceful" of all three days, just because there was less people, but eh. Still fun. Pillow fighting and high-pitched screaming galore.

The 13th was a day I'd been waiting for for a while, since Exit 139 had a show in Bound Brook that I was planning to watch. Dani and Yssa and came over that day, too, and they brought Alexa with them. It was pretty cool; Dani was lip-synching with Alexa, and really I was shocked because I didn't know Dani did such goofy things, but it was a pleasant kind of shock. Also Alexa showed us (well, Dani and Yssa probably saw them before already, but I'm not sure) this Korean (I think?) boy band. I forgot their name, and their music wasn't really that appealing to me, but the boys were pretty. Plus they could sing and dance very well. Heh.

Staring transfixed at the Korean (I think!) boyband. Except for Alexa, who was doing so until she noticed the camera and decided to smile and ruin the candid moment. Hahah, just kidding! But their expressions five seconds before this picture is about 10x more hilarious than what it looks like on here.

Ahem. Transfixed! Especially Yssa.

And then later that day, after they all left, Carleen and Kelsey arrived because I was going to bring them to the show. I originally thought my mom's friend was going to drive us to the place, but my mom coerced dad to do it instead, insisting that it was his paternal duty. And so he did. It took a little over thirty minutes to get there, but when we finally did I was really happy. The place looked nice and homey, with a couple beat up couches. It was really dark in the area where the stage was, though, and I guess it could've looked kind of seedy to some people. Anyways, my mom went in with us to "check the place out", and she thought it was alright, just really, really loud. Some band from Idaho (or.. Ohio? Illinois? I don't know, all I remember was that it was considerably far from New Jersey) was playing, and I was really amazed because they actually drove up there just to play that one show. It's not like they were that famous, or the place was extremely popular. It's pure devotion, and that was really cool to witness. Their set was ending when we got there, though, so my cousins and I missed most of it. Anyways, a little after that my dad came in to check on the place too, and I thought it was all good.

After the first band, Exit 139 started setting up. That was when my mom came in, looking a little tense, her facial expression just screaming that something was wrong. Turns out my dad didn't like the place. He thought it wasn't safe, that it looked like people did drugs and got drunk in there, and he wanted us to leave right then. I was stunned and angry, especially since it took so long to get there (or at least it felt like it, 'cause we left later than I had planned). So I asked mom if it was okay if we just watched my friends' band, and she sort of agreed and went back to the car. We had an hour, basically. Exit did good. I mean, they messed up a couple of times, but it was their first "real" gig, so whatever. They were just nervous, probably.

So I snapped some pictures and took a couple of videos, and one of my cousins fell into deep infatuation with one of the band kids, and.. the hour was essentially up. I tried calling my parents but there wasn't a signal inside the cafe. I didn't want to go outside because the place didn't allow re-entrance, and I didn't want to have to pay again if by some off-chance my parents agreed to let us stay a little longer. I ended up sitting by the edge of the cafe, on a beat up old chair (that looked pretty cool, actually, like something out of an old-time movie) right next to the window. Long story short, my dad said no, and my mom added that he wasn't feeling well and kind of coughing and sick-like and whatnot. I thought that part was mostly fabrication, because he didn't seem unwell AT ALL on the way there, but I didn't want to push it too much. I'm just not one of those kids that can completely rebel against their parents.

I was mostly quiet on the way home, but eh. I was just trying not to get mad anymore, since there was no point, but I couldn't help but be disappointed. There were around five other bands playing, which means that seeing only one of them when you payed the whole ten dollars is basically a huge loss. Plus I only saw the opening band, which means they're obviously not the best around just yet. I don't know, I'm still a little sore about it, but whatever.

Anyways, we just hung out a bit at my house after that, then Carleen and Kelsey went home. Then I went to sleep after uploading the Exit stuff onto my computer.

Yesterday was good. I don't really remember most of the day, so I guess nothing too out there happened. The best part was when I went to see Pirates of the Carribean 2: Dead Man's Chest with my cousins. I loved the movie, thought the art and scenes and acting were amazing. Definitely can't wait to see the third one, and I hope Keith Richards does go for playing Captain Sparrow's daddy. After that movie we headed off to Dairy Queen, then Ate Ren and Ate Ye went home. Carleen and Kelsey slept over at my house, and we stayed up until around one, just blabbing and talking and laughing loud enough to wake the neighbors. Good thing that didn't really happen, though, because we don't really want anyone interrogating us on what on earth we could possibly be talking about at that time of night. Hahah. Good times, man, good times.

Today was spent mostly with the two of them too, but it wasn't that exciting. Mostly we just bummed around, and the two of them slept like five times throughout the day. We did have a water fight (with my little bro's water guns and the garden hose). We then went to Tita Glen's house for a BBQ. Which just reminds me! Mack sent me a message on MySpace today. It was such a nice surprise, I haven't heard from that woman in forever. I was probably still 14 the last time I talked to her.. maybe even 13, but eh. Same difference. Point is, it's been long, and I missed talking to her. I could only blab with her for a few minutes, though, since we had to rush off to the BBQ five minutes after I started talking to her on AIM.

The BBQ .. just more eating and hanging out with theh family, and karaoke. I got to see Kuya DJ's new XBox, I don't even know what they're calling it anymore, I kind of lost track after 360 and Live and.. yeah.

And now all I can think about is how I need to exercise because I don't wanna blow up anymore. This is disgusting. Hahah.

Goodnight.

This is the first thing I remember.

2006-07-09T17:03:00.001-04:00

So my brother [Ryan] just got done screaming at me. He was mad because I uploaded a picture of him with his new haircut up on his MySpace. He really upset me, because he was screaming way too loudly and harshly for something so trivial. He makes it hard to be a good person or to have a sense of humor. But when he's the one doing it, I'm expected to just laugh it off and shake my head, exclaiming at how amusing my little brother is. The worst part is, I'm expected to say "It's alright," later on, when he comes in to say sorry. If he comes in to say sorry. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. I don't know. But I'm done with him. The pictures were nice, nothing embarassing, and I had nothing really to gain from them, no sick pleasure to be had from maybe embarassing my brother. I won't take any more pictures of him in the future unless he asks, and when he does, I'll just take one and not care if he looks like crap in it.

Meh. No I won't. I'll probably forgive and forget this in a few hours, but... I don't like how he can just be mean to me and it's okay in the end just because I can't hold grudges against family. This sucks. WATDAFXINGEVERBRO. Hahah. Okay, immature moment over.

Yesterday was pretty cool. Other than for the boring, just sitting around parts, it was awesome. The good part was when the bands were playing.

This be exit 139. They were awesome.

My bro Louie's band, Trinity. They were good too.

Now it might look Matt Cotter (guitar, on the left) is headbanging, but he's actually trying to fix his guitar. It just stopped working in the middle of their song.

We left after a few Trinity songs. We met this lovely chicken (man or woman, no clue) on the way. It was following these people like a dog. Adorable and hilarious at the same time.

We returned to the block party afterwards, and these are our feet. Clockwise from top right's Nafisha, Karena, me, Kelsey, and Jessica.

Hm. I'm taking my cousin Kelsey to see exit 139 (along with 9:18, Forrester, The Bedroom Demos, and a couple other local bands) on the 13th. She's not 100% sure she can come yet, but I really hope she can, because I already got the tickets. Hahah.

Danielle and Patricia are going to be coming over thrice this upcoming week. I am excited. We'll be working on this comic idea that we've got, featuring our Ragnarok characters and ourselves. It's promising to be fun. On another note, though, I seriously need to start working on my summer homework. Le sigh.

Kelsey and Karena outside Burnet.

Yesterday was a blast.

2006-07-02T13:14:00.000-04:00

First of all, I love blogger. It is an excellent blogging tool. Doesn't feel as "community"-like as LiveJournal or any of it's other clones, but... it's nice.

I can't believe my last entry was from nearly a year ago. It's summer vacation now, and that entry was written before school started. My freshman year was pretty good. I met lots of wonderful new people, made lots of new friends, and got a taste of what the next few years are going to be like. This year was hard academically, and next year probably won't be any easier.

Something I've noticed about myself is that I'm pretty sensitive. I really should stop being that way, because I know now that this world is full of people who take pleasure in hurting others. Their words and actions hurt, even though you don't want them to. I try to move past that, though, because in all reality, those people don't matter very much to me. They're not a major part of my life, so I suppose I should just concentrate on what really is important.

Music. Yep, still in love with it. I've recently gained an obsession with "How To Deal" by Frankie J. I know it's kind of an "old" song by now, but the melody and lyrics are nice. I want to learn how to play it on guitar after being inspired by this awesome lady. She has a pretty voice and can play guitar pretty well, and right now it's just one of my mini-goals to learn how to play that song. Heheh.. I'm also still trying to learn "More Than Words". It really has been so darn long since I've been trying to learn that song, so I should honestly know it by now. But, no, I don't. Hahah.

Now, onto the events of yesterday! You should have gathered from the title of the entry that my yesterday was very fun. The family and some family friends went to the beach yesterday, and it was great for me. I miss the water so much. I'm still little scared of being hurt by the waves like I was before; that is, being hurled back onto the shore while at the same time having the wave push my face onto the floor at the same time. Good for getting rid of dirt and oil in your pores, but horrible because it will leave your face pink and feeling slightly raw.

My little brother is learning to love the water, too. My other brother, Ryan, was a bit traumatized when he went underwater when we were younger. He's been really afraid of the ocean for a long time after that, until we grew up a little bit more. Now he's fine with it, but that's because he's nearly full grown. Key word's nearly, though; he's still my little brother~ hahah. Anyways, as I was saying, my little brother Hans really had a fun time yesterday. He kept wanting to body surf (if that's what it's called; just jumping when the wave comes and letting it carry you a little bit.. really fun, but I'm not sure if I'm describing it right or even calling it the right name, hahah). At first he was freaked out and said he was "drowning" when a wave went over him the first time and covered him completely, but now he doesn't mind and even actually enjoys it.

After that, we drow the two hours back home. I loved that place, too. The neighborhood looked real nice, and even kind of reminded me of Ocean Shores from Rocket Power. Hahah. Then about five minutes after we got home and everyone was scrambling for showers and unloading stuff from the care, my cousin Kelsey called. She was telling us to get to their house already, since it was my Tito Radel's birthday party. We arrive about an hour later, at 8 o'clock. It was nice seeing Ate Ren and Carleen again. We see them about once or twice a year, so yeah, it was good. The party was same as usual, with Tito and Tita's five million friends over and everything. The best parts for me was hanging out with the cousins and watching Mano a Mano: The Thriller in Manila 2. Hahah. I think the name they gave it is hilarious, but whatever. Pacquiao vs Larios. Pacman won, which was honestly expected, especially since he had his whole country backing him up right there and booing Larios. Plus we all know the man's just awesome. However, Larios really gained my respect too -- the dude would not get knocked down. It was impressive. Manny wasn't even bleeding at all or looked hurt, but Larios had blood all over his face and was still going pretty strong. His conditioning's admirable.

On another note, I'm wondering if "Don't Wanna Try" was really originally by the Kumbia Kings. I should look it up. I've been hearing that song a lot.. actually memorized it without having had attempted to listen to it. You know how that is - you somehow just hear a song multiple times without actually making the effort to listen to it. Maybe someone you live with plays the song, or it's on the radio all the time. Anyways, the only reason I even think that song's theirs is because I looked up lyrics to it. Most that came up credited Frankie J, but I found one that said it was by the Kings. So yeah, I wanna hear that track if it exists.

Misery loves me.

2005-08-04T16:50:00.000-04:00

{{ Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy }}

I feel so alone. I know it's not true, but that doesn't stop me from feeling that way anyway. Things are happening that I can't even talk about publicly. Nothing directly to me, though, but it's horrible. Makes me feel bad in my gut, and my heart aches just thinking about it. Whenever I heard dad's voice over the phone, I hear his pain, his despair. It feels like my heart is being poked: it hurts, but not enough to block out the thoughts and just have me concentrate on the pain.

Blah blah blah. What is all this shit I'm talking about? I should just stop being sad. I should just pray. But sometimes I just can't. I try to take solitude in my writing, I try to escape through my words, but somehow they just never come out right.

"These words are all I have so I'll write them.

You need them just to get by."

I think Fall Out Boy might be my new favorite band. They are incredible.

Lately I've been absorbed by role-plays. I think that's a bad thing. I mean yes, I am having fun and all that, and I suppose it does improve my writing, but honestly, I need to concentrate more on my school work. Last night, I finished reading Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe. It was a good book. It took me about three broken weeks to read. The worst part is that I know I could have gone through the book in a day if I had just mastered my impulses and locked myself up in my room and just did it. But I didn't. Now I'm stuck for time. I can't honestly blame anyone but myself, but life has been quite horrendous since a few days before graduation.

Not that there are constantly bad things happening to me. But they are happening to my family, and somehow that hurts as much, if not more.

Right now, I'm listening to "Sugar, We're Going Down Swinging". "Dance, Dance" just ended. I think that right now, SWGDS is my favorite song. The last one was "La Tortura" by Shakira. It's still one of my favorites, but Going Down Swinging has the top place in my heart. The words are poetic and touch my heart. It's bittersweet, just like a lot of things.

I'm thinking about how some songs describe me or how I feel perfectly. It's wonderful. The only thing I regret about those songs is that I wasn't the one to write them. Maybe one day, my dream will come true and I will be able to write songs that affect people the way these things are affecting me right now.

Sometimes I wonder why I act in different ways. I could be loud, vulgar, and brash, or quiet, sarcastic, and cold. I can be happy, cheerful, and annoying, I can be moody, introverted, disgusting. Does that make me a bad person? Or does that just simply make me human? I don't like how people who act different at different times in their lives are called fake, or posers. It's not fake or two-faced, it's unpredictable. It's multi-dimensional. It's real.

I feel a bit bad that I haven't spoken to Karena today yet. I did try to call her a couple of times, but she didn't pick up the phone. She sounded a bit upset when I had to cut our conversation short yesterday.

I'll try calling her again after we take out the dogs. It's three past five. We're three minutes late.

It'll make you smile.

2005-08-02T08:27:00.000-04:00

XD It made me smile! Nakakatawa. Nahanap ko lang ito, hindi ito sa akin.

You are the...
Apple of my eye,
Mango of my pie,
Palaman of my tinapay,
Keso of my monay,
Teeth of my suklay,
Blood on my atay,
Bubble of my laway,
Sala of my bahay,
Foundation of my tulay,
Seeds of my palay,
Cloth in my ukay-ukay,
Calcium in my kalansay,
Calamansi on my siomai,
Nanay of my tatay,
Knot on my tie,
Toyo on my kuchay,
Vitamins on my gulay,
Airplane of my Cathay,
Stars of my Sky,
Hammer of my panday,
Sand of my Boracay,
Sultan of my Brunei,
Highlands of my Tagaytay,
Mole on my Ate Guy,
Baba of my Ai-ai,
Voice of my Inday Carutay,
Spinach of my Popeye,
Sizzle when I fry,
Wind when I pay-pay,
Tungkod when I'm pilay,
Feeling when I'm high,
Shoulder when I cry,
Wings when I fly,
Prize when I vie,
Cure to my "ARAY!"
Answer to my "Why?"
Truth behind my lie,
The Life after I die,
In short, you're the center of my
buhay.

Introduction to the new.

2005-08-01T18:25:00.000-04:00

I have a LiveJournal, GreatestJournal, and a Xanga. So why am I starting this one? I'm not completely sure, but I am anyways. I somehow feel like I could be more open to this site. Heheh.

Today is a really happy day for me. A couple of weeks back, I e-mailed Nika Gonzales (sorry if I spelled your last name wrong!), and she replied! She's one of my old friends from the Philippines. I had completely lost contact with all of them after I moved to the U.S. during the summer after Grade 4. Finding them all again (on Friendster! Hahah) really makes me happy. Hindi ako makatigil na ngumiti! And I bet I spelled everything wrong (walang Tagalog class ever since umalis kami!) in that sentence... but oh well.

Anyways, if Nika's e-mail wasn't good enough, I found out that Liberty added me as a friend on Friendster today! That was so awesome, because through her friends list, I found a lot of my other friends; I found Francine next, and then Caitrin, Katrina, another Katrina, Rica, and Jodie Mae! The last one I found was the best: my first real best friend, Geneve. I missed all these girls so much, there are no words to describe how happy I am right now.

Anyways, I'm going to go see if I can find any more of them today. Heheh. Hi to anyone who's reading this!

The girls I found already!